I don't really feel like writing this post actually, but somehow I think writing this on Facebook and/or Twitter won't justify what I wanna say after this. So yeah, I just got my salary for this month and also thankful that my BR1M (short for "Bantuan Rakyat 1Malaysia", or "1Malaysia People Aids") which the government suppose to help the people by giving them financial "support" so do speak. (the terms and condition for getting the financial support differs from each person depending on status, job salary, etc. but I won't go into too much detail regarding this. So you just have to Google it if you wanna know more) But even with this, I just somehow feel kinda disappointed I'm still not earning enough to cope with my spending. (or well, plans as I'll explain later in this post)

I'm going to be 23 this year, and with my current job as a mechanic I've already been working for 5 months by the end of this February. (which is honestly, much much longer than my 2 previous jobs which I barely last more than 2 months!) I really don't wanna compare with my other more "successful" friends out there, but comparing how much more successful they are, I just wonder where in life did I go wrong? I know I already graduated from my college over 2 years ago and suppose to have a more successful job with my qualification, and yet because I choose to do something "different" for 1 year and ended up not being happy with my alternative jobs I somehow ended up wasting that 1 year doing nothing. Maybe that is what I did wrong all along, but I was probably too blind to realize it back then... (that and maybe I just have bad luck, lol) Then again, maybe if I never got those 2 jobs I probably won't even know what its like to have "other" jobs besides being involved with cars like I do now. Who knows? Maybe (just maybe) I have to be a little more patient for things to work out. Somehow I always regard myself as a "late bloomer" when it comes to doing everything, and some stuff in my life are just that.

Anyway, I don't really wanna blabber about my life stories again and really wanna express more about my financial situation here. At my current rare, I'm roughly earning (less) than RM1k per month with my current job (actually I was suppose to get a new contract with my current job as my working probation actually ended last December, just that my boss forgot about it for 2 months straight! However I doubt I could get a raise just yet. Then again... only god knows if I do get a raise or if my salary remains the same) and with my daily expenditure on food, transport (well, glad my mom still helps with my petrol from time to time) and also the occasional "spending on useless stuff" which I have no idea why I still do, I might have roughly RM600-700 saved before my next paycheck arrives. (also my parents still to give me an "allowance" just to keep myself floating somewhat, yeah... I'm lucky my parents still can support me lol! I know, I know, its kinda bad having to rely on my parents at this age and with a job!) Currently I have roughly less than RM2k in my bank (still haven't banked in my salary yet, but probably will do soon) with that money going to be used next month to buy myself a plane ticket to Japan in December, and I still have roughly no idea how much the plane ticket will be or how long I want to stay there. (because now I wanna stay there for 3 weeks instead of 2 to catch both Comiket & Tokyo Auto Salon as well as spend more time exploring Japan during that time, haha!) I know I have a short time to decide this because for one... this promotion is happening and is gonna end within a few days, or take a gamble and go to MATTA Fair and hope they sell "cheap" flight tickets there too! Argh... life can be unfair at times lol.

Then there is also the issue with my car, since well... I wanna do up my car this year too lol.I have so many plans to do to my car actually (and already did some actually, more on that maybe sometime next month) which include getting new suspension, wheels, tires and also do back my car's bodywork a bit. Yeah... this is probably which is gonna deplete my budget to Japan a lot actually lol, But yeah, so many plans and yet... so little money. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm really cutting down on my other activities this year. I can probably say goodbye to my cosplay plans, my computer and probably what other plans I had regarding my expenses for that matter! *sigh* I don't know, I just have too many things to think right now. But whatever it is, I just hope I can save up enough money from work this year (that is, if I'm still working until the end of the year) and save up fro Japan and my car for that matter! Anyhow, I'll try to touch up on this post again soon hopefully. Just got sidetrack by my stupid post on FB lulz.

or 2014 if you don't understand Japanese lol. Anyhow, I know I didn't really posted anything for the past 2 months nor do I even wanna do a re-cap of 2013 (I guess I could do a bit, but probably not gonna be really as detailed as I wanted) but yeah, just wanna say a (belated) Happy New Year (and Lunar New Year as it has passed roughly a week ago) to all my blog readers and whatnot. Still kinda surprised I still get views even though I do almost absolutely nothing to this blog, hahaha...

Okay... so I've just been busy with my real life I guess. Can't really say how "busy" I'm actually am (probably could say I'm just lazy at times) but with work being work, and having so many friends and such, I do rarely stay home like how I did last time. Also I'm still amazed at how time just flies when your pretty much standing still. Before I know it, Comic Fiesta was done and dusted, New Year passed in a flash and the Lunar New Year ended in an instance, not to mention boundless of things happening in between! But yeah, time can be both a blessing and a curse. Too fast for you to enjoy doing what you like, too slow for things to happen. Such is the wonders of life huh? =P

2013 has been a good year to me, and kinda glad I managed to do a lot of things during that year. Although there were some ups and downs throughout that year, but towards the end of 2013 I finally managed to do a lot of things that I set my goals on for that particular year. Managed to lose weight, start riding bmx again, and also got a more comfortable (and more realistic) job! Yeah, its pretty hard to top 2013 as one of the best years of my life, but somehow I get the feeling that this year will be even better. All the better when I have some goals to achieve this year. Although some goals might be harder to achieve than others, at least its better to have a target than to have nothing at all to do.

• Go To Japan
although probably one of the most random and unexpected of plans to do for this year, but after having discussed with several friends (and also seeing some of my other friends enjoying their trip to Japan) I really need to go there. Its probably now or never... xD (the thing is, I'm still planning everything there is to do there even as you read this post but regardless of budget or condition I'm still going!)

• Lose (even more) weight!
yeah, that's right! Even if I did manage to lose 20kgs last year (from 105kg to 85kg) I still think I need to lose a bit more. Although my target for last year was actually 80kg (missed it by 5 kilos, haha), for this year however I wanna take it up a notch and try to reach 70 kilos! Not sure if its even possible as I can't lose any more weight when I was still on my "keto" diet and daily exercises (and even tried slimming pills for that matter) but ever since I started working I had to stop my diet and heck... even starting back my old habit of eating a lot is coming back. (some habits refuse to die, know?) But regardless, I'll see what I can do to lose more weight. Of course, surgery is definitely out of the question but I may start dieting again once it is time.

• Mod up my car (even more)
yeah... its one thing that I neglected to do ever since I owned Kuro Tenshi, (yes, I gave my car a name lol) but since my car will almost be 5 years old (of ownership that is) I thought I should treat my car something special before its birthday (or well, the day since ownership that is lol) with some plans I had in mind. I won't really discussed it here on this post, but I'll update about it on my FB or Twitter regularly so you can find out more there.

• Improve my Japanese language
I know some might not have known this, but I actually have studied Japanese for over a year now! Yeah, kinda surprising how I always wanted to learn the Japanese language years ago and here I am now actually learning it and can even converse in Japanese (albeit, still nowhere near as good) with actual Japanese people! Haha... its funny thinking about how I first started the class and pretty much know a lot about the language compared to the others that were in the classroom! But yeah, I really should thank my brother for enrolling me to this class in the first place (for more info, you can check the place out here) and also my parents for supporting me both financially and mentally. I might not be the best student in class, but I'll try my best to make use of this language when I go to Japan at the end of this year... as well as when I "might" move to Japan there someday. =)

• Getting better at riding BMX
Although its not necessarily a goal, but its just something that I wanna improve at. I know I have stopped riding for several years during my high school days (no thanks to that certain thief, or whoever it was that stole my bike!) however since I started riding again towards the end of June last year, I'm actually doing pretty well (by my standards I guess, lol) and even did far better than I did when I first started! Also made quite a lot of new friends in the BMX community (as if I already had enough friends in the other communities) and getting fit in a way. Sadly I can't stay fully committed to riding like how one of my school friend did (he is now actually considered a "pro" in the local BMX scene) but at least my passion is still there... somewhat. I don't know if I'll ever be as good as him, but the least I could do is ride along with him and enjoy the experience. Although with that said, I really need to look out for myself and not get injured too much. >_< (already had a few scars, and now my knees are acting up)

Yeah... just "some" of the goals I made for myself this year. I might have more goals in mind however I don't think its all that important (or realistically achievable for that matter). Also if you might noticed I kinda slowed down on my whole "DJ" career thing as I don't think DJing will work out for me here in Malaysia. That and well... a lot of my equipments and music are pretty much gone. (laptop is giving problems and my iPod is dead, so I pretty much lost a lot of music) I do plan on restarting again someday (and might even dab into producing and also restarting my netlabel) but for now, I have other more important stuff to concentrate on. With that said, I'll try to record some mixes for some small(er) online events if I can, but sadly I kinda strayed away from the J-Core scene a bit. (yeah, I guess I should be ashamed of myself but I have way too many interest, and my interest in music is just as varied. So don't judge me!)

Also I might slow down my cosplays a bit as well since it really has eaten up my budget last year and its not really a worthwhile hobby. (to be honest, its just too expensive and pointless lol) I had so many plans to cosplay a lot of characters this year, but seeing with my job not paying me enough to break even as well as my 2 other main objectives (Japan & my car) I might not be all that active in the ACG scene this year. (well, I wasn't really all that active last year either honestly, only made 2 costumes just for CF!) Maybe I'll still cosplay at certain events as the same characters I already cosplayed (or borrow costumes from friends or whatnot) but since I'm also working on Saturdays I might miss out on a lot of events too this year. Meh... I think cosplay is the least of my worries, and as the days and month passes I could plan it out somehow.

and so... with all that said, thanks for reading my blog once again and I'll try my best to update the blog (somehow one way or the other) even with my busy work schedule and social life. Enjoy the rest of 2014 and do keep set your sights on your goal regardless how stupid or impossible it may seem. I didn't give up on my dreams either, and despite growing older every year... I do end up being more wiser as well. (okay, that statement was total bullsh*t) Either way, goals or no goals... life is still worth living. Whether you had a good or terrible start to the year, its not all that important. The important thing is to keep moving and treat the next day even better than the day before! (well, its only a phrase. I know I had some "off" days too but after a while I'll tend to look at it positively) Anyway, I think I have written enough for today. I might have missed out on some things (that and/or I can't be bothered, whatever) to talk about, but at least I finally got to finish this blog post! (actually I planned to write this around New Year/January but I never found the time and/or can't be bothered up until now) Haha... yeah, so typically me. =P

P.S. I actually did plan to write another blog post and make it more personal, but let's just say I totally gave up on that. I don't know whether you are reading this or not, but if you do... I wish you all the best in your life as well. I know both of us have our on separate lives and interests, and even if we still do hate each other... I just wanna let you know that its totally over. I'll forgive and forget whatever you did and likewise I hope you do the same too. I ain't gonna bother you anymore if that is what you want, and hope you are happy with whatever it is that you wanna do. I might still be a bit jealous, but you know what? It doesn't really matter anymore, I'll find someone better... and I'll try to make my sh*tty life more worthwhile than it is now, so we'll see who gets the last laugh aite? =)

Sorry for the lack of updates in the past month, just been busy with work, Grand Theft Auto V (that I borrowed from my friend), riding BMX and also many other things in between. That and I can't be all that bothered to blog all that much. I won't go into too much details about the past events in November, but I guess this was one of the more sad things regarding the end of November. (there are obviously more sad news at the end of last month, and also my own unfortunate events) In short, I'm just kinda lost for words regarding last month! But enough about me blabbering, I'm just posting this to reflect upon this one "maid" cafe which I loved to go ever since I first knew about it several years ago...

Well... what can I say, I just love this place. I know the whole concept about "maid cafes" in Japan for quite a while now (all thanks to sites like Sankaku Complex as well as the internet itself and social medias) but when I first heard an actual maid cafe opening in Malaysia, I just know I have to go there lol. (I know there are other maid cafes prior to Tenshi as well, but none of those are actually "halal" or is even half as authentic as this one) At first I was a bit curious by the whole "otaku" subculture of visiting maid cafes, but after my first visit (several months after it first opened) I was totally hooked and just can't stop going there ever since. Of course, it wasn't really that near (but for a 1/2 hour drive its not bad than say... in another state!!) and it wasn't cheap either (I never minded the price, but the food portion leave a lot to be desired), but somehow... the atmosphere, and the staff (or maids as you would call them) just makes me happy being there lol. Even if I don't usually eat there all the time, I do try my best to drop by and say hi if I'm around the area.

Made a lot of friends, made even more memories there, but most of all... a part of me is there somewhere in that place. Might not have visit the place as often as I did when it first opened, but I still tried my best to visit when they were making events or if there are any gatherings there with my friends. Its kinda difficult to find a cafe/restaurant that would be this comfortable to do all these activities, let alone having that environment and people around you that makes you feel like yourself. Yeah... really gonna miss this place. Although they did say they plan to re-open sometime next year, but I doubt its gonna be the same. (unless they plan to renovate and re-open at the same place, but by then things just won't be the same in my opinion) Whatever it is, thank you Tehshi no Cafe for existing and thanks to all the staff working there that made the place possible. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is gonna miss this place... =(

Oh, and I also took some pictures while I was there when they were open for the last day. Last Day @ Tenshi If anything, be sure to check out their Facebook page too! Tenshi no Café

if seeing me blabbering about this event for the past week isn't enough, here is a blog post just to finally put an end to all my non-stop fanboyism for these 2 epic bands haha. (okay, maybe I'm more bias towards one of them but I guess that is too obvious) Anyhow, I probably won't go too much into details about either Mew or Explosions In The Sky (apart from they are epic!) but I'll probably talk about the event itself instead. So yeah... this marks the second time I've been to a concert in my life so far (the first being AFA Malaysia last year) and probably the first concert which is more towards the more "normal" crowds. (if there is such a thing, hahaha...) Why normal? I never really counted AFA Malaysia as being a proper concert since its more or less an anime convention with the concert as their side attraction. (also the crowds are just... different? perhaps?) This is more of a proper gig with nothing but the bands playing right in front of everyone.

Anyhow, the day pretty much started when I left work early to get back home (to clean myself, change clothes and get ready) and went off to KL Live (the venue of this gig) and apart from a small traffic jam at Sunway (well, obviously everyone was coming back from work at the time) I managed to reach KL and the venue on time even though I should've probably left even earlier than I planned! The door was open at 7pm and I think there were already quite a long line when I arrived however I managed to cut the queue a bit after I somehow... made a new friend while I was parking my car lol!!! Somehow after parking my car, another car came and parked beside me and when I got out of my car, the guy beside me asked if I was gonna be watching Mew, and I was... "hell yeah!" and somehow from there I decided to hang out with him for the rest of the concert along with his girlfriend and her friend as well. Also met 2 Canadian chicks while I was there too, but sadly I never really got the chance to talk to them or even get their photos. (one of them was like Asian-Canadian and was named Megan and another one being white but I never talked to her or even knew her name lol) They were more looking forward to EITS, but yeah... was totally random sh*t lol. Anyhow, probably gonna skimp on the details (already said too much, haha) and express how the concert was from my point of view.

It was hard to believe it at first, but I was a bit disappointed to find out that Mew were the first to perform instead of EITS. Despite that I was still really looking forward to their performance, and this being their first time performing in KL I guess they had even more pressure to impress us all. But yeah, I knew that watching them perform live was really gonna be something special. While I did managed to enter the stage around 7:30pm or so, but it took them almost an hour before their performance actually started. (by then the room itself was just packed with people, glad I managed to be one the early ones lol) Surprisingly enough, Mew started out their performance with one of their newer songs, Making Friends, which kinda surprised me as I thought they would be starting out with either Circuitry Of The Wolf or New Terrain but they did eventually play those songs later on in the show. And yeah... their performance was just mind blowing. They mostly played songs from either Frengers or And The Glass Handed Kites and also a few songs from No More Stories but they were definitely focusing more on their last 2 albums instead of their latest one. Also they did play one of their newer songs which might appear in their new album which was pretty cool stuff. All in all, their performance exceeded my expectations and to my surprise it seems there are a lot more Mew fans in Malaysia than I thought! Oh, and the fact that everyone was singing to Comforting Sounds at the end was almost just too good to believe... I still get goosebumps thinking about that moment even as I type this!

After Mew's performance ends it took the organizers and crews another hour to setup the stage for EITS (who are apparently the main performer I guess?) and well, wow... their set is just mind bogglingly good. Sadly I don't really know their songs all that well and I barely even scrobble them as much on last.fm compared to Mew, but I do know one of their hit songs... which the managed to play during their performance. I think I was overjoyed with emotions when I heard the starting of Your Hand In Mine playing, and likewise the crowd just seem as enthusiastic as me regarding this song. Somehow their songs just felt more relaxed and at times... really energetic too. But still... you don't really expect anything less from probably one of the best post-rock bands in the world. Just kinda wish I could listen to them a lot more... if only my iPod and HDD didn't die on me. =/

So after EITS performance ended, it was time for everyone to go back home... well, most of us anyway. I ended up following my "frengers" to grab a bit somewhere and then head back home myself. All in all, despite the ticket itself being a bit overpriced (at RM180 its not cheap for a small gig like this honestly) but I think its worth going just to see 2 of my favorite bands to perform and supporting them in any way possible. Even though their sets do feel a bit short (both bands played roughly 2 hours each) and I didn't get to buy anything much there either (lets just say things were either too expensive or too uninteresting to bother paying up for) nor get to meet up with the bands up close (Mew already left the building when EITS was playing sadly) and get their autographs but I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait for them to hopefully come back to KL and perform their own shows instead. Yeah... definitely looking forward to that!

Yeah... and this is just a small teaser for what is to come. There is also the Urbanscapes main event (which sadly I won't be going because of work, that and I don't have the money to pay for more tickets and I'm not really too keen on the line-up even though I do like some of the bands that is playing that day) which is happening later this month. You can find out more info regarding it here. There will also be another Satellite Show in December which Metric will be performing, but I don't listen to them all that much either! So many concerts, so little time and money. ;_;

Oh, and before I close this post I'll just leave a link below this paragraph. Its just some pics I took during the gig that night. Its nothing much, but the memories that I had that day will never be forgotten. Oh and if you want more pictures or even videos of the concert, I'm pretty sure you can find it on Instagram or Youtube haha. I saw a lot of people recording the event even though the organizers clearly state that you can't record the performance whatsoever. Typical Malaysians... =P

Facebook photos

Sorry for the lack of updates here, I guess I've been kinda busy this month as I finally started working after over 8 months since I quit my last job! As some might have notice me on Facebook and Twitter, I've been doing a lot better during this month compared to the previous few months before, I could probably say this has been by far the best month for me for 2013 so far! Okay, well not exactly that for sure but its been one of the better months I had this year. Anyhow, I probably won't be rambling much here either since I don't really know what to talk about (well not really know, but its like I totally forgot what to write by the time I was free to write this) but I'll try to write something related to the blog title...

But before I go onto that topic I guess I should probably tell how my October was so far. After months of looking for work at many places, during that first week of October I got a message on Facebook saying that this one company was looking for workers at their workshop, and since I was looking for a job in the automotive industry I didn't even have any second thoughts and tried to apply and see what happens. Funny thing is, I actually knew the workshop and even the owner! (it was a few shops away from my previous workshop that I trained in 2011) But yeah, after having a short talk and discussing regarding the job, I started working the week after. So on the 7th of October I was no longer a NEET and once again I am working. Unlike my 2 other previous jobs this was the one that I already had some previous experience with and its pretty much why I went to college for. Even though I haven't worked on cars for quite a while, but on that week or 2 I pretty much got used to it already. Oh yeah, the name of the place I'm working for is called Kaitenaz Racing and its somewhere in Sunway. Its pretty near my house (although I still have to drive to work, but its only roughly a 5 minute drive from my house) and well, I just feel comfortable working there for some reason. Even if its been 3 years since I last worked around there, and even with many things changing since my training... some things still do indeed stay the same. I don't know why, but I just feel like I belong there for some reason, haha...

Anyhow, I don't wanna jinx this job or anything but hopefully I'll last a bit longer with my current line of work. I seriously need the money and experience, but most of all, I just wanna get my life back together somewhat. Which I guess is now a good time to divert your attention to the title of this blog post. So yeah... why am I "stuck in the mean time" then? Its not exactly a metaphor, however its something which has been bugging me ever since I wrote this blog post here. While writing that I did ponder what my life would be if I just went back in time and decided to do things differently back then. What if some of the things that happen in my life... didn't happen at all? But as much as I like to turn back time, its just not humanly possible... heck, it goes against everything about life itself! However, that doesn't mean you can't do all the things in the present like you did back then. As I'm trying to put back together the missing jigsaw puzzle in my life, I'm also starting back to rediscover myself in a way. The things that would make me happy like it was before and extinguish some of my darker times during the past months and years.

I started riding BMX again a few months ago after some random encounters and that urge to do something which I had promised to do for so long (especially after I got my bike stolen when I was still in secondary school) and now that I also got a job as a mechanic around the Sunway workshops my life is slowly coming back together again and hopefully I can move a bit more into that uncertain future of mine. Yes these two things are an important keys to the missing jigsaw puzzle of my life, but puzzle isn't necessarily completed yet. I still have many lingering questions left to answer, and having to settle some other stuff for this year such as my cosplay, DJing, video games and whatnot. (haha, its tough having so many hobbies...) But yeah... I have rekindled one of my old favorite pastimes, I have a job again which its something close to my heart, and I also lost some weight! (went from 105kg to around 85kg currently within 2 months, how is that for a miracle?) Yeah, even with October coming to and end soon I still am looking forward to the next 2 months before the year is over. Hopefully work won't be too stressful and that I can improve and learn even more than what I can do right now, and I can also get some things done before the end of the year... =)

Aaaaaaand I'm just gonna leave this here to end my blog post. I just can't believe they are coming to Malaysia after all these years. Ever since I heard the news that Mew are coming to KL I didn't even gave any second thoughts and got myself a ticket to their gig. Been a fan of them for so long, and to finally see them is almost like a dream come true. I'm definitely gonna cherish every moment that I get to see them perform live this Halloween... =)

These are essentially 2 songs combined into 1, with one playing in normal while another song is played in reverse. As quoted by Bo (or Silas, can't remember lol) "its like going forwards and backwards at the same time" which precisely sums up my life right now.

Finally September is coming to an end. It might have been a long wait, but I guess with all the ups and downs I had to deal with this month, I can finally put it all behind me and concentrate on the next 3 months. October couldn't come any sooner, and November & December are the months that are really important to me to pull everything through. Hopefully I can get a job within the next 2 weeks, otherwise I might be in deep sh*t both financially and planning wise as well. I practically need enough money to scrape my cosplay stuff for Comic Fiesta, and right now I only have enough budget to do 1 costume. However I'll try my best to pull off all the stops and get 2 costumes done in time. Also there is also some other stuff I need to pay up for as well other expenditures so a job is really much needed now, probably more than ever!

Anyhow, I don't wanna rant too much on this post so I guess I'll just keep things short and sweet. Right now I guess I should put the relationship sh*t behind me and just focus on being myself and concentrate on getting a job, as well as my ongoing goal of becoming better at BMX and also lose even more weight than I already have. (losing 15kgs in a month is quite something ya know?) Plus with the cosplay stuff to deal with within November and December I guess I might have my hands busy juggling many things. Work (if I do land a job somewhere), studying Japanese, riding BMX, cosplay, and whatever stuff I will get myself into throughout the remaining part of 2013. At least no one can complain about my life being dull anymore after this...

Also while doing this blog post I managed to found a band called "End Of September" which I have no idea it existed until now. Currently giving them a listen on Spotify and well, its not too bad I guess. Kinda reminds me of Evanescence & Eyes Set To Kill a bit, but its nowhere near hardcore metal stuff with all the growls and sh*t. But its kinda cool listening to something new from time to time... (as if having over 7000 artists/bands to listen to isn't enough!) Here is probably one of their hit songs on Youtube, and you go and decide if its worth listening to or not.

Oh, and I think I'll end this post with this. After riding for the past 2-3 months I finally decided to do something more drastic on my BMX bike and finally replaced the heavy Sunday Bikes hi-ten steel handlebar and fork for these more lightweight and stronger full chromoly Impurity Bike Co parts. I haven't really get to test and abuse them just yet, but I'll find out later tonight if they are worth it. They do make my bike lighter yes, but it also made my wallet lighter as well... xD