Posted by : Muzaffar Tuesday, September 24, 2013

So really... who am I?
I'm not the person who I used to be.
Then what kind of person was I?
For all I know, I am not me.

So where did it all go wrong?
Does changing or remaining the same come at a cost?
On the outside I might look normal and strong,
But deep inside, I'm broken down and lost.

I might have many hobbies and personalities,
But as many "me" as there is, I'm still one person.
As much as I don't like dealing with problems and responsibilities,
I still have to carry on living my life, and for what reason?

They say you could be anything you want.
Quite sadly though, nothing is easy as it seems.
The reality is, my dreams are only dreams... nothing different.
Like a fictional story, being published by the reams.

If I could find the old me somewhere within myself,
I would tell him to wake up and help my current self.
If knowledge is like a book, then life is like a bookshelf.
I could go back in time to live my old life, then again... I'm not an elf.

To be in the present, finding my past to move on to the future,
Then what do I do if I managed to found myself from long ago?
Would I dither about moving forward into an imminent world which is obscure?
I don't know... only time will tell if its worth a go.

"Will the real Muzaffar Musa, please stand up" is what I always wonder,
And I wonder... when will the real Muzaffar Musa revive back to his former identity?
Many people might know me for many things, some more than others... I ponder.
I think no one knows the real me, me included. In darkness, with no electricity.

Back to the question of my origin, regarding yours truly.
Am I really am still the same person today?
Its hard to imagine, but I can't answer it truthfully.
Because I might not be the same person in another day.

One Response so far.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hey man. I saw your blog just then and read through this post. I don't want to sound like I understand everything you're going through because I'm not you. But I personally feel like I can kinda relate to what you're saying and how you're feeling right now. A few years ago I was in a pretty dark place... Girlfriend left me, highschool dropout with no future. Shit did not feel good.

    No amount of people telling you to look on the bright side, or to try and cheer up is going to help, I know. But you'll find your way there eventually, everything gets better if you find a way to keep positive and tough out all the bullshit that keeps you down.

    You may have dreams, but just because they might seem unattainable doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Dreams take hard work, sure there's luck involved. When you hear celebrities and superstars who are asked how they came to be. Some say luck and others say hard fucking work. You need to fight for your dreams, and believe me it's rewarding when you get there.

    As for problems and responsibilities. Man I know that struggle all too well. Its a part of growing up I guess, for a long time it can really suck. You can't force it, but eventually you grow up and realize that some of these things just need to be done, so you get that shit done. At least that's what I've noticed over the years. Different people feel different things.

    I really hope you find your way through this man. You're an awesome guy, and I wish nothing but the best for you. Don't ever give up on your dreams, never stop chasing the things that make you happy.

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