(sorry for not updating the blog for the past month or 2 and sorry for the layout still not being completed, just ignore the "pinkyness" of this blog until I can find a good blog layout)

First of all, sorry if this post is gonna cause a lot (or at least the one who I'm aiming this post at) of people to hate me or whatever after I post this, but I really really want to clear out my brains, emotions, guilt and thoughts on this one post. So yeah... I'm sorry if this is gonna hurt you Mochi and Aniki, but I just need to do this...

Anyhow, to start this post off I just want to say that even as I typed this I still do not fully know what happened between the afternoon that Mochi and Aniki left my house on the 12th of August 2013 until the night when this post was created. So far I think I got most of the story out from both of them, but whatever that they left out is just between them and I have nothing to do with it nor do I even want to know what happened. So the story just goes like this... after seeing how everyone was in the "hari raya" mood, me and Mochi (this is not her real name btw, but if you see me and her on Twitter really often you will know who she is) had been discussing about having raya at each other's house after the fasting month is over and when both of us have done visiting our relatives on both side of the family. (both sides meaning our mom and dad respectively) Not sure if visiting our relatives on this festive occasion is the same culture elsewhere, but in Malaysia we normally visit our relatives only after Hari Raya Aidilfitri (or Eid-ul Fitr for you English speaking folks). In fact, for some... its probably to only excuse to visit a relative when during the other days are too busy or when none of the families are all together. Honestly, I only visit my dad's relatives (which is in Muar, Johor) only probably twice a year or even once depending on how busy my and my parents are. Although we do visit them for other occasions as well (someone in our relatives passed away, wedding, etc.).

But enough about my family or relatives, I really wanna talk more about the open house I did for Mochi and very few other friends that I invited on that day. Then you might ask... why very few? For one I actually plan to only invite Mochi (because well, I wanted to see her so much and we did promise) and Aniki (oh yeah, its not his real name too and you can also find him on Twitter btw. Call him Aniki since he is older than me and Mochi) because they wanted to come over so badly. I didn't mind Mochi coming since well, she is my girlfriend and all (and that I love her and do anything to be with her when there is time) but to be honest, I didn't really wanted to invite Aniki over because it would feel really awkward. I might only know him for a few months, and he was a nice guy and all online and in person, but I just don't feel really comfortable with him around. But since he did help me and Mochi a lot (and since he keeps asking about the open house) I thought "hey, why not?". Also seems like Mochi wanted to see Aniki as well and wanted us all to be together and stuff. But knowing how awkward it would be just the 3 off us at my house (and with my mom obviously) I took it upon myself to get a few more others to come as well. After asking about on Twitter (I didn't ask my friends on Facebook since I didn't really want a lot of people to come. More people also means more stuff to prepare and just more inconvenience) I got like... 3 more people to come over. So altogether, only 5 people came to my house to raya that day. Although actually only 4 were together at the time as one more friend came a bit late... (well, I could describe what we did as well but that would probably be out of topic and well... its not really that interesting lol)

Now, to put my feelings on what actually happen during that day...


I didn't really agree for Mochi to be riding a motorcycle with Aniki, so I tried to convince Aniki to pick her up in a car. It was only an option since I might have to send my car for repairs on that day... which didn't happen since my dad said he had to go to work and he didn't really have time to accompany me to the workshop. Even during the morning of the day that both of them would eventually arrive at my place to beraya at my house (they were actually the first to arrive fyi), I did ask if Mochi wanted me to pick her up since my car is still available, however she said she didn't want to trouble me and still wanted Aniki to pick her up. As I was also busy preparing stuff at home I just agreed. Little did I know when she left her house she didn't really tell her mom about Aniki picking him up. I only knew about it when Mochi's mom called me asking where she was when they were halfway through their journey. To make things worse she didn't even pick up her phone at the time. (but I only realized why when they arrived) While I was talking with Mochi's mom I tried my best to answer her questions and only said things in general (I didn't mention Aniki's name in respect) and I told her what Mochi was planning to do during the day. She then told me that Mochi wanted to go to Mid Valley or something, but I said I didn't knew anything about it. (actually I think she mixed up with the news that Mochi wanted to see Tofu at Mid Valley, which sadly got cancelled because Tofu got grounded. Again, this is not gonna be explained in detail as its a whole another topic, a topic I barely even know about at least.) At first I didn't think she is gonna get into any trouble or anything since all her intentions were real and I knew Aniki would really be taking care of her. But when they arrive I saw them riding a motorcycle to my surprise.

When they arrived Aniki told me that he had to go back to his place first to switch to his motorcycle as his sister wanted to use the car. Also because they wanted to get to my place on time they "quickly" got onto the motorcycle and head to my place. Kinda felt sorry for Mochi as she had to ride the motorcycle in her baju kurung, which even for her was really uncomfortable. (she later told me that other people on the road kept staring at her and Aniki on his bike) If Mochi wore her more normal clothes (like she did when she went back with Aniki after the open house) I guess that won't be so bad... but still, it feels uncomfortable to see your girlfriend riding a motorcycle with another guy, even if that guy was your friend and you could trust him taking care of your girl. I know that Mochi loves motorcycles and that she still tries to get a chance riding a bike any way possible, but I wish she would realize the situation before the actual situation happened. I mean... if its her neighbors or her relatives I guess its more understandable, but a friend? An older male friend at that. Dammit, if I had a motorcycle license and a motorcycle I would have picked her up too. Heck, I should have just picked her up in my car regardless of what she or Aniki says! But I guess I shouldn't get too carried away with that topic, but honestly... who wouldn't be worried? Or even jealous for that matter...

So we did end up eating some of the noodles that my mom cooked and ate the kuih raya and stuff, and when 2 of my other friends arrived we did some chit-chatting and joked around until it was eventually time for them to go home. Mochi and Aniki went home along with one my friend in her car, but one more friend decided to stay back a bit to wait for my last friend to arrive. (again, skipping this story) A few hours later I got a message from Aniki saying that he had arrived home, and as a worrying boyfriend would do, I asked if he did anything between my house and the trip back to Mochi's place. He then told me that he just dropped Mochi at a friend's place to raya or something. At least when I heard that I was kinda relieved that Mochi made it back safely, and while I was busy entertaining my remaining guests and even send that last friend home (his dad sent him to my house, which was also why he was late) as he had no transport back. After I got back home after sending him back I tried to backtrack all my Twitter and Facebook updates to see what Mochi was doing, then I realized something was not right. Some of her tweets had a sense of sadness to it, and seeing her Instagram photos just made my blood boil a bit. For some reason neither Mochi or Aniki mention to me about them hanging out together for a bit longer after they left my house. Aniki bought her some cupcakes and drinks at Wondermilk in Citta Mall and they stayed at his family's house for a bit before sending her home. Anyhow, I decided to be a bit dumb about and just ignore the situation... somewhat.

Then I decided to be a dumbass and got all jelly and shit when I heard that Mochi got scolded by her parents (mostly Mochi's mom anyhow) because of going out with Aniki without telling her. She end up saying that Mochi was cheating on me and stuff, and that was that. She got her phone taken away and she couldn't go online that night... or so that was what I thought. Then because of me being all emotional and stuff I decided to tweet "bad" stuff about her and somehow a few other friends decided to join in as well. Rubbing more salt into her wounds, and Aniki started feeling bad about what happened to Mochi later that night. As I was out playing BMX around that night, I also kinda messaged Mochi asking what happened but she didn't seem like she wanted to talk about it, and then suddenly she SMS'd me some words and as I tried to reply back (and kept saying sorry for what I did) she just replied back to me with very few words. (it was only one word to reply back my almost 140 letter SMSs). Knowing she was upset I did the right thing by wishing her goodnight and left her alone.

Then the next morning (on the 13th of August, 2013) I woke up kinda early (for my standards at least, it was around 10pm or so) after having my sahur and slept at 4am (decided to start my puasa 6) and went online to see if she was online or anything. Then after a few minutes later checking on Twitter, I saw Aniki tweeting about Mochi being kicked out of the house. Knowing what happened I asked Aniki what happened, and the only thing he told me was to go and call her... and so I did. She didn't pick up the phone the first time, but thankfully the second time I called her she picked up the phone and answered. I did ask a few things that happened and she replied very softly and short, saying she was in tuition. I asked if it was okay to call her and she said it was okay, but I decided I'd just keep it short and hang up and continued messaging her. At the same time I also Tweeted about the situation and replied to Aniki and a few others regarding the situation. Knowing she got kicked out I already knew what the situation was like... since well, I had the deal with the same situation before as I was the one who got her kicked out the last time out. (well, indirectly involved anyhow) I really couldn't do anything at the time and the only thing I could do is call her mom and apologized about that incident. I pretty much cried my heart out asking her to forgive both me and Mochi, and after that incident I guess I kinda somewhat gain her parent's trust on me in a way. So if anything happens to Mochi, I will be the one who will have to be responsible for it.

But then what really pissed me off was that... how did Aniki knew about Mochi being kicked out while I knew nothing about it? I swear I wouldn't even know Mochi got kicked out if Aniki hadn't mentioned about it. I tried replying back to Mochi several times asking where she was going after tuition and she said she didn't know, and yet... Aniki told me on Twitter that she was going back home after that. After that I think I finally snapped and raged at the both of them. I asked nicely what was going on with Mochi and she was avoiding the questions, and yet Aniki knew about it more than I did. So I did what my emotions told me to do and Tweeted what made both Aniki and Mochi realized I finally reached my limit. My heart couldn't take it anymore... I just feel like I wanted to run away or even kill myself or something. After I Tweeted that I kinda started talking negatively to Aniki sadly, and somewhat made him feel even more guilty for what happened to Mochi, while Mochi tried Tweeting back with replies which I just wanted to ignore. But then after Mochi told (almost) everything about what happened, it turns out it was just a misunderstanding. But when she messaged me all that, I was actually out buying stuff for my mom. I only read that message when I got back (left my phone charging) but then I decided not to reply back as I felt it would make things worse. I had this habit of not talking to anyone when I'm upset... but somehow a few minutes after I came back I heard my house phone ringing and my instinct told me it was Mochi calling. I could've just ignored the call and let my mom pick it up instead, but I knew the situation was meant for me to talk to her about everything thoroughly. (And besides, I'm probably nearest to the phone and my mom usually will always ask me to pick up the phone anyhow) She then talked to me a bit and asked why I didn't reply back to her messages and asked if I was ok and whatnot, and likewise all I could do is just say sorry for everything that I did and gotten upset over some of the stuff she did or say...

And then I heard silence in the phone... followed by some crying from Mochi. Somehow I didn't really know what to do much other than just hear her cry. I wish I could be there to hug and comfort her but I just impossibly cant'! But it wasn't really a long phone call, but it was enough for us to settle our differences and misunderstandings and both of us calmed down and forgive each other. Also gave her some advice and "words of encouragements" (well, I guess it is) and hopefully she can learn her lesson about going out next time. We then proceeded to talk a bit online and even starting to feel happy a bit, but then I realize Aniki wasn't really in the mood anymore. After I told him off that morning, he just didn't see Mochi the same anymore. I mean... I just feel sorry for him, but sadly I can't do much to help him either. I did eventually apologize later but he didn't seem to take it really honestly. I don't know what feelings he has for Mochi (apart from him treating Mochi like his own "little sister") but I'm pretty sure he has gotten a bit too close to Mochi for me to be really okay with it. There are some things which I'm okay with, but then there are just some things which totally pisses me off. I can't tell what is what right now, but just to let you know... I feel more hurt when I don't know anything only to find it out in the most unexpected and unwelcoming way. But the thing is, I'm not the kind of person who wants to beat up any guy that goes near my girlfriend... and likewise, I don't even mind if they want to talk to her. Be smart and choose your topics wisely, and Mochi should know how fragile I am in these kind of situations. I might look big and tough and well on the outside, but inside me is nothing more but kid never wanting to deal with all the imperfection the world has to throw at me. If one thing doesn't even go my way, I'd get really sad or upset really fast. But yeah... I'll keep that for a separate blog post maybe later. How later? Well... that is for me to decide...

Okay, I guess I'll end this blog post here for now. I might not have said everything that I wanted nor if I managed to tell the story as truthfully as I wanted or as accurately as what Mochi or Aniki might know, but this is all coming from me, my brain, my heart and my soul. I'm writing this as how I feel and thought like it. So with that I'm just gonna move along and hopefully feel slightly better about it. Although it might take time for my wounds to heal, but it might take even a longer time for everything to go back normal, if... even at all. Just hope I don't offend too many people about it, and I hope I don't mind sharing this with everyone... >_<