Posted by : Muzaffar Thursday, August 15, 2013

Well... not planning to say much in this post as originally planned due to time constraint, that and I don't really feel like its time to go all out on my "emotional expression" posts like how I did in the previous post yesterday just yet. However I just feel like saying a few words here regarding yesterday's post and how I'm feeling right now. I know the thing with me (my nickname is Panda btw, given to me by Mochi), Mochi and Aniki wasn't really intentional, and I somehow felt that everything that I wrote just made things a bit more worse. But then I can't really have it any other way...

Just to keep it short, I'm still trying to settle down after all the drama that has happened in the past few days. But somehow I never realized that Aniki was the one who suffered the most today. Having to deal with everything that has happened, things only got worse for him which none of us expected. (not gonna mention why, but lets just say its a double whammy in terms of damage) I know I kept saying I didn't really mean to hurt his feelings or even stop our friendship, but it was still difficult for him to accept the circumstances. Even when Mochi, Vien and a few other friends tried to cheer him up and give some advices, I just felt like most of the help was for nothing. But yeah... when something as shocking as this happens to you its gonna take time to recover. Just like when a natural disaster hits a city and how it takes time to rebuild everything for life to go normal again, its the same thing with our hearts.

As I already mention in my previous post, I do have a really weak and fragile heart and I do get hurt really easily inside. I don't really know why but I've been like this nearly throughout my life and the cure for it is just damn near impossible. As a kid I used to be extremely quiet and shy, and my parents even said at one point I was actually deaf or have some sort of disability. (its no joke, you can ask my parents if you do ever get to talk to them) Over time I guess I kinda got over being an introvert (for a lack of words) but over time my heart also became more two sided. Despite having more endurance to deal with all the emotional pain, but at the same time when the limit has been reached it also apparently became more painful to bear. This is why I sometimes I prefer to get emotional more often just to lessen the burden on my heart. I don't know if I'm just talking crap here, but that is just how I feel about myself. I am now who you think I am.

But anyhow, just gonna stop this here for now before I get into more details regarding my "emoness" on another post sometime in the future. The point being, I just wanna let all my feelings go and start afresh with no conscience disturbing my everyday routine or how I would react to other people online or in person. So yeah... I just hope whatever happens in the past few days would serve as a lesson for everyone including myself. Things in life could never be perfect without anything unfortunate happening, and none of us will learn anything unless something drastic happens. I'm sure me and Mochi will still be together regardless of what happens and I really do hope I can be with her for even longer than the 6 months that we have been together so far. May Allah bless both of us and let us both be together for as long as we can still live to see each other. =)

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