Posted by : Muzaffar Monday, December 28, 2009

Actually, this is nothing more than a random post per se, rather I just think that there was something "special" about yesterday. Well I don't know how to describe what was so special about yesterday or if there is any relevance to my life or anything, just thought I could make a few more blog posts before the new year!!!

So what was so special about the 27th of December you ask? Well apart from getting my car mirror scratched (well, it was worse today when I scratched my front left bumper zzzzz....) when I was going to go pick up my cousin from his house, going to Summit with my cousin so that he could buy some gifts for his friend, spending the whole day doing useless stuff, the fact that ME AND MY FATHERS CAR GOT ROBBED INSIDE OUR HOUSE (nah seriously, nothing of importance was lost there) but the fact that...... well, lets just say something much more personal has happened.

It happened the day before, when I was online and doing my usual things as usual when suddenly my friend invited me to a conversation on MSN. I was introduced to a friend of a friend in that conversation. At that time I really had no idea who it was, what was going on, or why I was invited to the conversation in the first place. Anyhow, as the conversation went along I soon found out who this person I'm chatting with (along with my other friends as well) was a Korean girl!!! Well I did know about her a few months ago when my friend told me about her, but I never expected to be talking to her on MSN at all. So errr.... why was it surprising then? Well maybe for one, it was a Korean who I was speaking to although my friend said she has been living in Malaysia for about 6 months and some other facts that I forgotten about lol.

So anyway, the longer we talked to each other the more I started to become attracted to her. I was lovestruck for gods sake!!! I don't know what was happening inside me or what my mind was thinking, but it was just that sudden that I started to have "feelings" for her. I don't know, maybe I was just crazy and it was all a dream. Then suddenly it was yesterday that we starting to talk to each other, and somehow it was just the 2 of us! Although I guess I have been warned by my friend that she does like to post random things and talked a lot, but wow, I never expected to have some sort of "deep" conversations with her. Even with my cousin disturbing our conversation most of the time, we did talk to each other quite a lot albeit, it was not a long continuous conversation and we only post random things to each other. But I don't know what to say about it really, deep deep down I just had that gut feeling about something. I could go on forever about this, but I guess my mind has made up and I'll just leave it as it is for now.

I just wish I could see her face or even have a long and deep conversation on the phone (she did kindly give me her number!) just to hear her sweet voice or maybe even try to meet her somewhere and meet her face to face. She did seem like a nice person to be with, and I bet I could (probably) get along with her or something. Okay okay, maybe it was a dream and that I never realized how real a dream can be, but then again.... maybe it wasn't a dream after all? Even though I'm not that good at all with talking to women or even know how to appreciate "love" or any sort of rubbish that is that, but she did said one thing that kinda make me want to change myself just for her. That is to start trying talking to girls more often and have feelings for them, which I'm gonna make it one of my new years resolution in 2010 probably hehe.....

I feel so nervous, confused, embarrassed, I mean I just can't describe how sick my feelings are right now. Maybe my emotions has gone haywire, maybe I'm starting to lose my sanity, maybe I'm going to be a man, oh I just don't f***ing know what I feel like!!! Its like I'm just lying to myself for doing this, and yet...... and yet...... argh!!!! I don't even know myself now honestly with what I want, what my feeling want, what my mind want and what my soul wants. Its all just so damn wrong with me, and nothing just make sense now. I just wish somebody could answer me, or even better, if SHE could answer me and set me out straight. Maybe it was all just some sort of misunderstanding. Please, I just need an answer from somebody, that is all....

Okay now..... with that said though, I guess this will probably one of my last post on this blog for 2009. I do wish I could post some stuff some more, but that depends if I can get some sort of internet connection at my hotel in Johor Bahru when I'm going there tomorrow. We'll see, if there is then maybe I can post some things more over there and maybe even do some sort of recap of my life in 2009. Haha, well take care everyone and have a Happy New Year!!!

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